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September 17 90 minutes past midnightI want to have a coffee now, but I know I shouldn't, because it's 1:30 am.
I want to break out of my glass door and jump over the balcony, but I know I would break my left hand again, and get some ugly scars on my face (for breaking the glass door like a hero), and it's 1:30 am.
I want to pretend I'm a kid, drink a cup of hot milk then go to sleep, but I know i'll get stomachache and end up feeling angry (for pretending to be a kid).
I want to DDR Paranoiac (Rebirth Mix) now, but I don't have a dance pad/dance station at home, and it's 1:30 am, arcade must be closed now.
I want to blast Eason's 一切還好, but I'm not sure about my neighbour's taste of music, especially at 1:30 am.
I want to rip my coronary artery out to see if it's blue black, but there's a bloody rib cage blocking, and it's 1:30 am, there are less people in the emergency room now.
I guess I should just go and sleep. September 07 PoolYeah, those were the good old days. When I was in high school, my friends and I sometimes skip the useless afternoon or evening SPM tuition classes =p, and went to this "kowzone snooker centre" 高进桌球中心, spent our time and money playing snooker, gambling on the horse-racing-slot-machines (it was banned later and is still now, back home). I didn't really gamble a lot (it's true!), since my luck and I have a mutual understanding - that we have to live together in peace, although some of us did try to calculate the "ultimate betting technique" to outsmart the person who created the machine, ha ha, and failed, miserably. Somewhere in the middle I became my friend's apprentice, or maybe more like a person to bully on the table. (Just because he stays beside a snooker centre) 100 pts, 200 pts ahead of me every game we finished, until my confidence was afraid of the black ball. After lots and lots of sessions, I had my first victory against him. Hence I graduated, lol. Yeah, those were the good old days. IH pool room, that's where we - the IH pool kakis spent our time after lunches and dinners. It was so much time until it was nearly a 4 credit points subject. Looking forward to our next game guys! Where are ya, James? We still owe each other a final! September 05 What kind of future we have?Yesterday Steve Irwin died. Stingray's barb went thru his chest and as a result, his heart punctured and lead to cardiac arrest. His popularity kinda surprised me. Or should I say the speed of the news spread. (A rather complete tribute from a friend, if you are interested http://dodgyeddie.spaces.live.com/)
Nowadays information and knowledge is really at the tip of your finger, literally. Within few hours everyone started IM me about his news, then one by one the nicknames on my MSN list has a (tu) prefix. I knew it has to do with him, and probably someone started this whole thing, you know, "hey let's pay him a tribute by putting something on our nick". It happened before, it was a rose, I can't remember for what.
Anyway, my curiousity was strong enough to push me over the bump to search for the relation of a turtle with him. Easy enough first hit of Google educated me a new species of turtle named after him. (See, 53 seconds - 3 seconds to search and load, 48 seconds to search for "turtle" and read the paragraph, 0.2 to digest the information in my brain after reading, and 1.8 to sip my coffee, not in chronological order)
(I still remember back in high school, my friends and I were always watching canto drama after dinner at home. Sometimes when we see this actor/actress who we cannot identify, that sort of "hey she's from that whats-the-name-of-it movie" "damn it it's at the edge of my brain" moments, we will call each other during the commercial break for the answer. If no one knows, then we'll all have to sleep with an unsolved mystery, then ask other classmates in school the second day. No such problems now, having access to the internet.)
Then today I found this piece of information on www.mess.be:
"Many of you will have probably already heard about the unforseen death of Australian TV personality Steve Irwin after being struck in the chest by a stingray's barb. Fans of "The Crocodile Hunter" have added a (tu) prefix (the turtle emoticon) to their Messenger names in memorial of the naturalist who has a species of turtle named after him: Elseya Irwini."
"It might be hard to believe, but we actually found the two people who started this whole "Messenger chain nickname" thing. It were longtime Messer Laser_iCE and his buddy anth who sent the original message to 20-30 of their contacts, only to come back eight hours later and find over 100 of their contacts had added the prefix. Viral IM at full power! Laser_iCE told us in a chat that he wasn't even aware of the turtle species named after Mr. Irwin, "it just was the closest thing to a reptile that the emoticons had! It was either that or a sheep, haha.""
Eight hours? It can be a matter of minutes if you deduct all the chatting between what, millions of people in between the "torch-passing", or less. That was scary. Imagine if it was a computer virus (not scary?), that can wipe your hard disk(s) clean and blow up your monitors (now?).
Imagine if it was a human virus, spreadable by digital/analogue signals?
Which is what Stephen King's latest novel Cell is talking about. A signal that can wipe out human brains, left with only violence. Within minutes, everyone with a reachable cell phone is affected, gone.
Quite scary yeh.
Anyway, I thought that the coincidence of him picking the turtle emoticon without knowing the relevance of it was quite a nice thing. September 04 Container TheoryWoah, it's been a while. Was working on a flash site, but I realized it is not going to be version 1 any time soon, so meanwhile I still continue to post stuff back here, as recently the thirst of knowledge input and knowledge sharing once again hit me. It always troubles me, not being able to share things much faster than I understand them, or reach a realization on them. I'm not emphasizing how fast I understand and realize things, but how eager I want to share them with people. For what I know, I might be just making a small matters big. Yet, I trully believe, small things in our lives sometimes mean a lot.
"Seems to me that the only challenge that we have, is everyday life."
Read a book recently. It says, to protect yourself from sadness. first you must disable yourself from feeling happy. It reminds me of the container theory that I have drafted. It is only a theory, and it is not perfected yet. So please don't pick bones from inside the egg.
Our emotions and feelings, 七情六欲, are kept in this container. The shape, size and volume of the container differs among each individual. Its contents act like an amplifier from what we received with our senses, to what we feel inside. There's a daily input of emotions and feelings from ourselves. So its contents will kinda increase by itself.
If the container is in perfect condition, i.e. there is no leakage, day by day the contents increase, eventually it'll be full, or even spill over. Remember the contents are like an amplifier? Now, a person with a full or overspilling container, is more prone to his/her own feelings. This is when he/she is easy to get depression, or fall in love, etc, because everything felt is amplified.
Daily disposal of the contents is very important. Keep it level at a safe mark. However sometimes I like to let it fill up. That's when I will get all irrational and think out of the box.
When you have a relationship with someone special (when you can share your feelings), both of you will have an extra outlet connected to each other's container. Daily exchange of contents (none of that sort... whatever sort you are thinking about, ahem) will explain the exotic feelings you have everyday in the morning you wake up when you are engaged in a romantic relationship.
If it is not mutual, say it is one way, there is not input but only your output to that person everyday, eventually you container will be empty, and you'll be emptied out too. That also explains why it is so suffering, frustrated and exhausted to have feelings for someone and not able to confess them out.
Finally, if the special relationship is damaged or broken, the person will suffer leakage, because the connector has broken, or leaking. Depending on the level of depth in the relationship (it is often different among the two, although they are in the same relationship), the location of the outlet (also the inlet) of the container which connects the person to the his/her partner will be different. The deeper he/she is, the lower the connector is. Which also means he/she will leak more of the contents out during the break up.
This is when you feel whatever happen to the world or to you is none of your business anymore, because you have just lost your amplifier.
And I'm sorry, I don't know what the container is made of, therefore I cannot tell you how to mend it back. Try alcohol. |
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